Originally posted on whoiscis:
My ultra-conservative family was concerned, while this wasn’t outright apparent to a child of that age,but when my “girl” cartoons starting suddenly disappearing, when I could hear one parent expressing disapproval to another over what toy was brought home, when more encouragement was mounted on me to do boy things, to be everything I didn’t want to be I knew something was up. One morning, I woke up very early and told myself that I was a boy and that I needed to act like one. While my parents slept I gathered up all of my toys and one by one threw them away. When they woke up I told them that I was a boy and that I knew this and it was time to be one. More “boyish” things came my way and over time, and I, in a kind of survival mode, adapted to this role. It wasn’t a good fit though by any means. The first time I was called “faggot” was when I was in the second grade, then pretty continuously after that. I was a majorly bullied child through out both elementary and middle school.
High school was a more liberating time for me, my family had moved to an area with more diversity and maybe I would fit in a little bit better. I did. I found the theatre kids,. I was beginning to have the freedom to express myself a little more in an friendly environment with these people. There were gay kids there too though, and like our gay neighbors across the street I was disgusted by them. I grew up in a family where I regularly heard things like ” Why do good men have to die in wars? There are prisoners and gay people, why don’t we make those people fight them? they should all be lined up and shot.” So my aversion to gay people was very much ingrained. I had not correlated yet that I was gay…no matter about daydreaming about male friends/classmates or any of that kind of stuff. I, growing up in this christian conservative household, though of ways to cure gay people. Why couldn’t they be normal? Why couldn’t thy be just like everyone else? They could be, I thought…working with the typical gay stereotypes of the butch lesbian and the flamboyant gay man and the idea of the top/bottom dynamic for both sexes I deduced that a sex change operation would do it. They could even get married then! Honestly, from the mindframe that I had at the time that was a very easy quick fix option that I couldn’t fathom these people wouldn’t look into. Later on my Mother would ask me “Do you think you were meant to be born a girl?” which I remember years later because that question, thanks to a conservative community and society had been something I had given thought to for years. On one hand…yes. It made sense…I liked “girly” things and, like a(hetero) girl, I liked guys. On the other hand, my male biology had never bothered me. No, I didn’t think I was meant to be born a girl, I was born a male and that was obviously what was meant to be because it was what was.
So many gay, lesbian and gender nonconforming youth are pressured from parents and the world around them to think they are actually born in the wrong body. “Progressive” modern parents encourage their children by pandering to their make believe of “being a girl” or “being a boy” despite a blatant reality of what the child actually is.